| What did they seek
from him? What were they after? He had never asked anything
of them; it was they who wished to hold him, they who pressed a claim
on him-and the claim which seemed to have the form of affection, but it
was a form which he found harder to endure than any sort of
hatred. He despised cauless affection,
just as he despised unearned wealth. They professed to love him
for some unknown reason and they ignored all of the things for which he
could wish to be loved. He wondered what reponse they could hope
to obtain from him in such manner- if his response was what they
wanted. And it was, he thought; why else those constant
complaints, those unceasing accuasations about his indifference?
Why that chornic air of suspicon, as it they were waiting to be
hurt? He had never had a desire to hurt them, but he had always
felt their defensive, reprochful expectation; they seemed wounded by
anything he said, it was not a matter of his words or actions, it was
almost....almost as if they were wounded by the mere fact of his
being.
Did he like them? No, he thought; he had wanted to like
them, which was not the same. He had wanted it in the name of
some unstated potentiality which he had once expected to see in any
human being. He felt nothing for them now, nothing but the
merciless zero of indifference, not even the regret of a loss.
Did he need any person as part of his life? Did he miss the
feeling he had wanted to feel? No, he thought. Had he ever
missed it? Yes, in his youth.
Not any longer.
|
| |
| Woah....Premium.
If there is a God.....I hope hes watcing at times like this week. And knows why his power is questioned.
my deepest remorse to all.
how can pity be a virtue?
i believe in God.....only i spell it Nature |
| |
